My Mom, The Fighter

With Mother’s Day coming, I stopped to take a look at my mom and my growing up.  It wasn’t always easy.  My brother, mom and I did our best to get through some really difficult times.  I know some have faced greater challenges, but growing up the way we did would challenge all three of us.

When I look back at my mom, I see a woman who fought for my brother and I to have as normal of a childhood as possible in the face of her divorce and loneliness.  She exemplified love to us in how much she sacrificed for us as kids.  We really didn’t have a whole lot, but looking back, I see my mom as this beacon of faith, selflessness and strength.  My mom, through her life, taught me that life really isn’t about me, but it’s about loving God and others as much as possible.

She exemplifies love even today for me.  After my dad had left, she was in another bad marriage that lasted a number of years.  That step father caused crippling hurt and pain in our family that has been  difficult to overcome.  Then after all of that settled, my mom met the man of her dreams.  His name was Ben.  They were life mates.  Their love for God and each other was very strong.  After being married for only a few short years, Ben died of cancer.  My mom, who is so driven by the love in her heart has to this day chosen never to date again or fall in love with another.  Her heart is with the one she loves, even though he has been gone for some time now.  People never imagine “till death do us part” to mean the end of two lives.  It’s usually one.  For my mom, it seems to mean faithfulness for them both to the end.

I want to love like my mom.  My mom’s love for God is so great that He’s almost all she loves talking about with me.  She takes the Bible word for word and it’s not just stories to her, but it’s God’s character and holiness that leap daily from the pages into her heart. Her heart belongs to God, Ben and her family and friends. 

I want my sons to see this passionate man in me, who like her, will spend himself on behalf of them and others.  I want them to see me burn with love for God and people.   I want them to see my joy, peace in storms and a burning love for my wife that will never be compromised by this world.  I want my wife to know that I will love her well beyond our lives together and I long to be the husband she deserves.  If I could thank mom for anything this Mother’s Day, I would thank her for placing these passions in my heart.  I know that I love more because of her example in my life.  Mom, thanks for everything.

Your First Love: Ephesus Revisited

Revelation 2:2-4

² “I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; ³ and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. ⁴ Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.”

I was listening to a message on this passage this morning and it really grabbed me.  I've blogged about these verses before, but the message made me want to hit on this again, because I realized that you can be doing everything right, you can dot the i’s and cross the t’s and still miss it.

I started thinking about what loving God looks like for me.  If we are not careful, our relationship with God can be nothing more than a routine or ritual.  I think God wants much more, so I personalized it trying to figure out what that looks like.  When Michelle and I first started dating, she would do things to make me feel loved.  There were times when she just made me feel special.  We could have nothing to do, but she just wanted to be with me.  She could take an empty day and make it full.  It’s why I still love her today. 

When I compare my love for God to my marriage, I could not imagine what my marriage would be like if Michelle only came to me when she had problems, things she wanted, or if she only came to me when she needed help doing something. Unfortunately, that’s how we treat God sometimes.  It's one of those thoughts where I had to stop and just tell God, "I'm sorry".  I know He wants more from me than this.

When’s the last time you prayed to God just because you wanted to talk Him?  When’s the last time you did something for God that had nothing to do with you?  I think we are so results driven, that it’s easy to forget that this is truly a relationship we have with Him and not a request line.

These verses are calling us not only to serve and stand, but to do these things on a foundation of love for God.  If you rip the foundation out from under the house, the house will fall.  We need to love God before we take the first step in ministry, before we quote the first verse of scripture to someone, before we pray the first prayer.  Love changes everything.  It changes how people see you and not only you, but how people see God through you.  Your first love must always be first, then everything else you do should be done in love.  It's the difference between a full relationship with God and a to do list.

The Importance of Relationships

I love when I study and God shows me the same thing in two different places and I have that "aha" moment when the Spirit reminds me of something I should always have been doing.  This has been one of those weeks. I got to share this with my life group folks whom I love more and more each week and I wanted to jot this down before I forgot what I had been taught in my studies.

I was reading Exodus which I really had to stop and focus on items and look things up to follow along.  However, in Exodus 33, it grabbed me.

Here's the back story.  Moses comes back after being with God to find Israel worshiping a golden calf and many people died in their idolatry.  God was going to care for them, but He intended to leave them because He couldn't handle their sin anymore and He had enough. However, the book then focuses on Moses' relationship with God.  Their relationship changes everything.  It picks up in verse 11:

Exodus 33:11-18

11 Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. When Moses turned again into the camp, his assistant Joshua the son of Nun, a young man, would not depart from the tent.
12 Moses said to the Lord, “See, you say to me, ‘Bring up this people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. Yet you have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found favor in my sight.’ 13 Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people.”
¹⁴ And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” ¹⁵ And he said to him, “If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. ¹⁶ For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?”17 And the Lord said to Moses, “This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.” 18 Moses said, “Please show me your glory.”

What I love is that Moses doesn't care about any promise and loves God so much that he won't leave God.  God's response is favor towards Moses.  Then after God expresses His favor, Moses, overflowing with love asks God, "Please show me your glory."

Then I was hit again in Ruth.  In Ruth, Naomi sends her family away because she is a widow and is returning home.  Ruth, a Moabite, however responds alot like Moses:

Ruth 1:16-17
¹⁶ But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. ¹⁷ Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”

I started to see a pattern in what God was showing me and I looked inward.  I started asking questions inspired by Moses and Ruth:

How deeply do I love people?  Do I have relationships in my life that are worth standing up for?  Do I demand God's presence?  Do I say things like, "God, I'm not leaving for my job unless you go with me!  I'm not teaching a word unless you speak through me."  Really, I don't always do that.

Then I really started thinking about shallow relationships and what they do.  The scary thing that hit me is that if I choose not to love like a Ruth or a Moses and I settle for shallow relationships, my relationships ultimately keep the focus on me and keep me the most important person in my life.  This can easily bleed over into my relationship with God.

If I treat people that way, what's to stop me from treating God that way?  My life's prayer request become mostly about me because I don't invest in people and my fear is that my prayers to Him look more like my wish lists instead of adoring Him and seeking His glory.

I think it's all connected.  When I place myself out there for others, others become my priority and my prayers become about them more than me.  As I sacrifice for others, I learn to sacrifice for God.  I want to love people intentionally.  I want close relationships that cause me to care more about people and God than I do myself.  I hope that I love family, friends, enemies and God passionately.  In that, I believe that I will settle for nothing less than being closer to God.